did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize