im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
