Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
