dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
