If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
