the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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