We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We left the knife in your bed.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
