Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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