He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
