Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
