I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize