Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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