Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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