So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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