You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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