I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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