i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
