No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
