She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
operation have a gay friend backfired
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize