YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
