Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
