Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
