I think I am morally bankrupt
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
