why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize