david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
