He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
