In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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