I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
