Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is Oprah even human
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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