You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
