In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize