I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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