Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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