please come you make the beer taste better
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize