I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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