I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
