So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
