the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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