erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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