Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
