i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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