Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
