the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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