I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
