when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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