if you like me you must not know who I am
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
