I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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