Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
