Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
