fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
