I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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