id be glad to
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
