I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
