fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
