I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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