The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
