Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
