he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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