Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
