You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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