It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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