why didn't you poke me back
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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