Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
