Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
