went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
