I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
