mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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