I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
