you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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