That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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