i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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