Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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