we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
