I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I supernannyed him into submission
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
