Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
